Motherhood

So my mom sent me this email and I just had to repost it because it is so true!!



We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually
mentions that she and her husband arethinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking.
"Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter,trying to decide what to tell her.
I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth
classes.I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will
forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?"

That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how
sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best
crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have
to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home,just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at
McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children,issues of independence and gender identity will
be weighed against the prospect that a child molester maybe lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want toassure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her
child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny
stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with
her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find
very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that
is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent
prayer for her, and for me, and for all themere mortal women who stumble their
way into this most wonderful of callings.

Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms.

May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

- Author Unknown

Big Boy!

We saw the pediatrician this week and Kolton is up to 6 lbs! He had his circumcision which seemed to go OK. He also had his iron levels checked and he is about the same so at least it hasn't gone down. He has to have 2 bottles a day (iron supplement mixed with breastmilk) and he has a hard time keeping it down. I don't even know how he drinks it at all. It smells and tastes horrible! I just hope his anemia will be short-lived so he doesn't have to endure the nasty bottles anymore! He has been having some tummy troubles....usually at night where he is arching, screaming and appears uncomfortable but nothing like Kaden had. It makes me so sad to remember how much pain that little guy went through and I am just glad that Kolton seems to be at peace a bit more. The doctor also discovered that Kolton has an umbilical hernia (in his belly button). He said that he shouldn't need surgery or anything and that in a couple of years it should disappear. He will just have an "outie" in the meantime!
We are all doing well for the most part. I really miss sleep but guess I am used to not having it so this time around the sleep deprivation is not making as crazy (other people might tell you different!) I don't think I ever updated about this a while back but back in March or April the docs thought that Kaden was having seizures. After a lot of tests (MRI's, EEGs, etc) they couldn't find any "true" seizure activity but he was diagnosed with a sleeping disorder. He is on 2 meds to help him and it has definitley improved but lately things have been a challenge again. Anyhow....trying to manage 2 children who are up every couple of hours or more has been rough but I am just trying to take things one day at a time. If I happen to lose my mind at least you will all know why! :)

More pics

Pictures!

Here are some pics since Kolton came home. He is doing well and is such a sweet little guy! He is also still a sleeper which is just so strange to us (I don't think I ever updated this about Kaden but he was actually diagnosed with a sleeping disorder so we aren't used to sleeping children!) Even though he sleeps... I am not getting much since he eats every 2-3 hours and Kaden has had a rough time at night and nap time. I think he just "processes" a lot and with all the change we've had in the past few months he is uncertain what is going to happen next. He asks every day "Mommy home? Daddy home?" It has been a little rough because Kyle has been working out of town quite a bit and his schedule is never the same. I am so thankful for my mom because she has really been helping us out!! Anyhow...I haven't had much free time on my hands but wanted to get on here quick to post some of the pics I have been wanting to share! I thought I had some other ones on my camera but they must be on Ky's phone. We had a nurse of Kolton's that we all grew very attached to and when Kolton was discharged she gave us a blanket and booties that she made. Sooo sweet! I thought I had a pic of them but can't find it right now. I don't think I posted about her before but I just wanted to say how blessed we feel to have had such great care for our son! Anyhow.....I am going to try to get some sleep while I have a chance!

Home Sweet Home

Kolton is finally home!!!! We brought him home on Tuesday the 5th. What a happy day!! He is doing great and is up to 5 lbs 6 oz as of yesterday. We saw his pediatrician and everything looked good overall. He is anemic and is on iron supplements (very common in preemies) but other than that he isn't on any other meds at this time. He still has some heart issues which will hopefully resolve on their own and we will see the cardiologist in November to find out more. Kolton is sleeping (which is so strange to us...but awesome!) and wakes every 2-3 hours to eat. Kaden has been a great big brother and so far has adjusted very well. We have spent the last couple of days trying to get settled back at the house since we had been staying at my mom's for almost 3 months now (due to bed rest, etc.) We sure are going to miss her everyday and have a feeling we will be making a lot of visits!! I haven't had a chance to get any pics uploaded but will try to do that soon. Things still are a little hectic trying to figure it all out and not getting any sleep (I have to pump before every feeding and by the time I am done with that process it feels like I have to start all over again!) We are feeling super blessed that our family is complete and finally all together!

Getting Closer!!!!

So the word is that Kolton might get to come home in the next few days!! He had his NG tube removed yesterday and has been nippling all of his feeds. He is actually quite the eater! As of yesterday he weighs 4 lbs 14 oz....our big boy is almost 5 lbs now!! I brought the car seat in today for the "car seat challenge". This is where they have to be able to sit in the car seat for at least an hour without having any apnea or brady episodes (where they stop breathing or their heart rate drops). They do this test because it is very common for preemies to slump in the car seats and be at risks for the apnea and bradys. Kolton's second echocardiogram results came back and I briefly spoke with one of the neonatologists about it. She said that the PDA or heart murmur looks like it has resolved itself but that he has an ASD. (Atrial septal defect (ASD) is a congenital heart defect in which the wall that separates the upper heart chambers (atria) does not close completely.) Previously we were told that he had a VSD and the neonatologist said it was kinda weird because it did show that he had one before but that it wasn't there anymore but then they saw the ASD. I guess it looks small too, which is apparently good. We will be referred out to a ped cardiologist and I am looking forward to learning more about this (although my mind can't even really go there at this point). Besides being completley exhausted we are hanging in there and anxious to get Kolton home. It will be a hard winter again because we will be stuck in the house but I will just have to remind myself that it is temporary and all worth it to keep my little guy healthy!! I just hope Kaden can survive it all! He is a busy, social guy so any suggestions of indoor activities I can do do keep him occupied would be great!! Ok...I will keep you guys posted in the next couple of days!