3 weeks

Kolton is 3 weeks old today and on Friday will be 35 weeks adjusted age. The last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind. It's weird how time can go so fast yet seem slow at the same time. Kolton is doing really well and we are hoping to have him home within the next week or two. Basically at this point, we are just waiting for him to master his eating skills, or to suck, swallow and breathe all at the same time. He is catching on quick and has been doing really well breast and bottle feeding. As of now, he eats every 3 hours and every third feeding is done by gavauge (his NG tube). Once he gets all the feedings "nippled" then we should be good to go! He has been slowly but steadily gaining weight and is now up to 4 lbs 9 oz. He even outgrew a couple of his tiny preemie outfits! So far, his temperment seems pretty mellow. He sleeps a lot (which is strange to us since Kaden never slept!) but he is not afraid to let you know when he needs something. He also likes to have his hands by his face and has pulled out his tubes multiple times! (He now has a tape mustache to keep it in!) Tomorrow he will have another echocardiogram to see what is going on with his heart. I am hoping things will be OK with all that. So far he is asymptomatic and since he isn't showing any problems from it at this time then we will most likely get referred to a ped cardiologist for follow up.

Everyone else is doing good and hanging in there too. Sometimes I feel like I am barely hanging in there.... but each morning I manage to find some strength from somewhere to get through another day (or minute). It has been really hard this time trying to juggle everything and be there for both Kaden and Kolton. Also, to make things a little more challenging, Kyle had to be in North Carolina all week for work (what timing!) My mom has been my life savor and I wouldn't survive without her. She has been watching Kaden every day so I can get down and be with Kolton. There is just not enough time in the day between pumping every couple hours, driving 45 minutes to the hospital, trying to make it on time for Kolton's feeds, trying to get back to spend time with Kaden, along with the rest of life's events. I am just ready for life to get back to "normal"...whatever that may be.

Anyhow...I have some current pics but I still need to download them so for now I will just post some pics from the last few weeks. Thank you again for all of your thoughts and prayers and for helping us to get through this challenging time!

Big Brother!!!

Yesterday Kaden and Kolton finally got to meet! It was an exciting day for all of us and we weren't quite sure how things would go but Kaden did great. We had been showing him pictures and talking to him about Kolton but he still thought he was in my tummy because he would still say "hi baby" to my belly and give it a kiss. When Kaden saw Kolton he was excited and wanted to touch and hold him. He was able to give him a kiss on his blanket and seemed OK with that. I am sure he will be a big "helper" when Kolton comes home! We also met with the child life specialist (who I know from volunteering) and she gave Kaden his own baby doll with a bottle, blanket, blood pressure cuff, tubes, etc. (just like Kolton) to hold while we were visiting Kolton. I was also wondering if Kaden would be nervous at the hospital as he gets uncomfortable around medical equipment but it didn't even phase him. I think he was too busy getting attention from all the nurses and staff!

So Kolton is just doing great. It almost seems too good to be true. Basically right now we are just waiting for him to grow and learn how to eat. I am meeting with the lactation specialist tomorrow so we can start "recreational breast feeding" and then on Monday I meet with the occupational therapist so she can teach me some excercises to help with Kolton's growth and development. It is awesome all the resources they have. As of yesterday Kolton weighed 4 lbs 3 oz so he is almost back to his birth weight. Ok....Kaden is getting a little wild so I need to run but we are all doing well (despite being exhausted trying to balance everything) Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They are really helping and I feel so blessed to have our two boys!!

Finally!!!!

I finally got to see and hold Kolton yesterday!!! Words can't even describe how I felt. I felt like I could breathe again. It felt like the best feeling in the world!I don't think I could've held out another day. It was so awful. He is doing really well. He didn't even look like the same baby I saw a week ago. He has made so much progress in just a week. As of today here is the update.....He is breathing completely on his own (no cannula or anything), his bilirubin continues to decrease (7.2)and he is no longer on light therapy, he weighed 4.1 pounds so he is starting to gain weight, he is getting 9 ml of breast milk per hour and they have stopped the TPN (Total Parental Nutrition which is extra nutrients for his growth and development), they removed his PICC line (Percutaneously inserted central catheters are long, thin, plastic tubes that travel from a vein in an arm or leg into one of the large veins near the heart. In premature infants, they are used to deliver fluids or medications.A PICC line is similar to a peripheral IV, but is longer and lasts longer. Premature infants have fragile veins, and peripheral IVs usually last only 1 to 3 days. A PICC line, though more difficult to insert, can be used for 1 to 2 weeks or more.) He has also been in an incubator and since he has been able to maintain his temperature on his own they are going to move him into an open crib tonight.
He is making all the necessary steps to come home and if he keeps doing so well the next step will be to work on his feedings. He is already sucking on a pacifier which is great because the next concept for him to get is to be able to suck, swallow and breathe at the same time, which usually doesn't happen until around 34 weeks. I am feeling so blessed and praying for Kolton's continued progress.

I also want to give a big thank you to Betty (a.k.a Mimi) for coming down and helping us out. She was able to go visit Kolton when me and my mom couldn't and she thoroughly kept us informed about everything. She also became buddies with some of the nurses! Thank you to all of you who have helped me get through this so far and for giving me strength when I hardly had any left! xoxoxo

Results are in

I FINALLY heard from the neonatologist regarding Kolton's echocardigram this morning. We were supposed to hear a few days ago but it kept being prolonged. I was thinking that maybe this was good because sometimes no news is good news. The results determined that he does have a moderate heart murmur. The good thing is that they cannot hear it as of now. They also discovered that he has a small hole in his heart or a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect) From what I have researched briefly, this is when there's "a hole in the wall between the pumping chambers of the heart, allowing oxygenated blood to flow from the left to right ventricle and causing excess blood to go to the lungs. It is the most common congenital heart defect". I also found that "mild cases resolve on their own. If they do not, surgery may be required". The neonatologist said that at this time, they will just monitor things...if they hear the murmur again then they will further investigate or if Kolton starts displaying other behaviors.

So...I am trying to remain positive through this all but as of today I feel that I hardly have any strength left in me. Every morning I wake up and feel like I am in the twilight zone. Where is this precious little life that I carried within me for almost 8 months? I remember feeling that way after having Kaden but this time it is even more difficult since I haven't seen Kolton for almost a week now. It is just so agonizing. I am pretty hopeful that tomorrow I will get to see him since I will be on day 4 of antibiotics. This sickness is just awful and hard to get rid of! I know this may sound weird too, but having a preemie leaves me with a lot of guilty feelings (I think this may be common for preemie moms) I know that I did the best I could do but I just can't help feeling like I wasn't able to provide the best and safest environment for this little boy to thrive. Then on top of that, once he came into this world struggling to survive, his mom has abandoned him and is nowhere to be found. Maybe I am sharing too much personal stuff on here...but that's just where I'm at right now. I know that looking at the big picture, I am so blessed to just have him here. I didn't think he was going to survive through the first trimester. At 7 weeks along, I had a ton of bleeding and was quoted that I was having a "threatned miscarriage". The bleeding stopped only to return even more heavily at 9 weeks. Kolton got through it though and I know he is a fighter just like his brother. Also, after my c-section my doctor informed me that my uterus was extremely thin for being only almost 32 weeks along. It was very likely that if Kolton didn't come out when he did that my uterus may have ruptured...possibly resulting in death for both of us...or just not a great situation. Anyhow.....I am trying to look at the bright side and I know once I see my little guy my strength will be renewed. Also, just having Kaden around and seeing his smile and hearing his sweet laugh has kept me going. Please keep us in your prayers.

One week later

Kolton will gestationally be 33 weeks tomorrow and is one week old as of yesterday. He continues to do well with his breathing on the nasal cannula. I guess he has tried to pull it out a few times! I think I would too. All of the nurses have said that he is a "fiesty" one, which I guess is a good thing... but I think I am going to have my hands full when he comes home between him and Kaden! He was moved from his open crib into an isolette or incubator which is much better for him....a lot more quiet and dark so he doesn't have to hear all the beeping machines, see the bright lights etc. His birth weight was 4 lbs. 5 oz. but he has dropped to 3 lbs. 12 oz. and seems to be staying there. We are hoping that he will soon start gaining weight. His bilirubin started going back up so they will check it again today. We are also still waiting for his heart echogram results to come back. We were told that if the heart murmur doesn't go away on its own then it can be treated with medicine or may require surgury so I am praying that we won't have to go there.
As for me, I tried everything to help with my cough and nothing worked. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and I was diagnosed with bronchitis so I am now on a ton of meds, inhaler, etc. to help me get over this. I am hoping within the next couple of days I can finally go see my baby boy. My mom also has it so she hasn't been able to visit Kolton either. Luckily, my mother-in-law Betty is visiting so she has been able to visit Kolton with Kyle. She originally was coming down to help with things while I was on bed rest but I guess Kolton just couldn't wait to meet her since he came the night before she arrived! I have been so blessed having these wonderful ladies taking caring of all of us. I know I wouldn't be able to get through it all without them!!

Kolton's Progress

So the last week has been pretty much a blur. Overall, Kolton is doing well. He started out on a bubble CPAP (Continuous Postive Airway Pressure- this helps him breathe by keeping the air sacs open) His lungs were very immature (even though at 24 weeks I had betamethasone shots which is a steroid to help his lungs mature in case he came early). Since Kolton was straining and working really hard to breathe with the CPAP he ended up having to be put on a ventilator (this is a breathing machine that directly delivers oxygen and breathes for the baby if necessary). A couple of days ago Kolton started doing better and he was put back on the CPAP and as of yesterday he was doing much better and is now just using a nasal cannula to help him breathe. He has jaundice (which is very common with preemies) and was on light therapy and as of yesterday he was taken of the lights and doing better with this. He started getting my breast milk a few days ago by an NG tube which is inserted through his nose and travels to his stomach. He is having a little trouble tolerating his feeds as he keeps having residuals (food left in his stomach that is not digested). They also have detected that he has a heart murmur and we are currently waiting to find out the result of his echogram. Overall, he is doing alright and I just feel blessed that he has made it into this world. One might think that having a preemie already might make things easier but every NICU roller coaster ride is so different. I know I just have to hang on to each moment and celebrate the little milestones because the next day, or even hour things could change.
To make things even more difficult, after I delivered Kolton I thought I had been battling allergies (itchy throat, dry cough, etc.) but we have determined that I have some type of bug. Because preemies are so vulnerable, nobody is allowed to visit if they have the slightest inclination that they might be sick. So....I have not been able to see my baby for the last three days. I have had heartbreak before but I honestly can't describe how painful this has been, having a baby and then not being able to be there for him. I am having a really hard time with this and can't even express in words how devastated I feel. Kaden has not been able to meet his brother yet either because he has a little cold (or whatever it is) too. He is doing pretty good with all the chaos and I'm sure he is trying to make sense of it all in his little head. He still comes up to my belly and gives it a kiss saying "Hi baby!". I don't think he will really understand it until he finally sees him. Hopefully that day will come soon for both of us. Luckily Kyle is still well and has been seeing Kolton everyday. He even got to hold him yesterday. I really wanted to be there for that special moment but I am just glad that Kolton is able to get some love. Anyhow..I will try to post some pics (I am relying on Ky to do get more at this point) and keep you all up to date. Thank you all for your prayers. That is what really got us though things the last time around.

Welcome Baby Kolton!!!

So.....here I am after a long time of not blogging to let you all know that our newest addition, Kolton Craig arrived on Wednesday, September 8th at 8:15 p.m. weighing 4lbs. 5 oz. and 15.7 inches long. And yes....unexpectedly we have welcomed another preemie into this world(of course we knew this was a possibility having a previous premature delivery but were extremely hopeful that we would get to at least 34 weeks). To make a very long story short, I had received excellent prenatal care and was seeing both my OBGYN and a perinatologist weekly for close monitoring. We had taken all the possible steps one could take to prevent a premature birth. I had been on bed rest 6 weeks prior to delivery, recieving Progesterone shots weekly since 14 weeks, taking meds to prevent and stop contractions, etc. I had been feeling pretty good overall and had hope that this time things would be different. On Tuesday evening, Sept. 7th I started feeling sick with a cold or flu. My instict also told me that "something just wasn't right." I was up all night and thought of heading to the hospital but waited it out until the next morning when I had an appt. with my doctor. When I saw my doctor my blood pressure was through the roof and they also detected protein in my urine which determined that I had Preclampsia. He sent me over to the hospital for some tests and while there, I started having contractions. They soon became more intense and as things went with Kaden, the next thing I knew I was in the operating room praying that this little angel would be OK. Kyle was out of town and made it to hospital in time to be there to welcome his son into the world!! Thank goodness!
My hope is that I will be able to get on here once in a while to keep you all updated on Kolton's progress. It might be more of a challenge this time with Mr. Kaden along with all the craziness and chaos of having a NICU baby but I will do my best!